if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
