The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
