That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
