I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
