You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
