HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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