You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
