There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sober January is a disaster.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
