Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
