I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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