U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
