yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
