shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
