i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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