Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
