just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize