This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My dick has a subreddit
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
