dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
