I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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