Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
