Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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