I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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