well most of my day revolves around power hour
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
