I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
