someone get that fucking seahorse.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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