You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I checked into jail on foursquare
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
