You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
