you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
