what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
