you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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