He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Vodka?
Forever.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
