btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
