i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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