Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
