Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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