He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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