i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
