o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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