Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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