i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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