oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
