You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
