feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
