there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
