Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
