ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
