i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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