And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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