So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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