He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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