pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
