I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Small penises have feelings too.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
