I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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