I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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