even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
handjob tips. give me some.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
