Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
