he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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