I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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