i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
