The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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