he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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