We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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