um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
of course. lets lasso hookers.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
