You're earring is so big in my mouth
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
