Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
