we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
