I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
