we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
