Buhtt sex?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
