if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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